Mist of darkness

  JOY!

     Welcome to the temple!  We hope you will feel joy as you serve.  Instantly joy filled my soul as I sat  silently waiting for the session to begin.  I don't know any other words to describe my feelings except exquisite joy.

     Our oldest granddaughter McKensey, is working in Riverdale and is living with us while she is saving money to go on a mission.  She tries to attend the temple at least once a week.  She is not endowed yet, so enjoys doing baptisms over and over again.  Her mother (Christine) told her before she passed away that if she wanted to be close to her and feel her presence she should go to the temple often for that is where she would be.   McKensey has inspired me to go as often as she does and we both feel so blessed by being there. McKensey read to me an inspiring talk, written by President Monson titled "The Holy Temple" which motivated  me with a desire to sacrifice even more of my time (since Ogden temple is closed it seems the extra hour drive is a sacrifice) to serve at the temple. The talk tells experiences of people who sacrificed everything to go just once in a lifetime.  Since then, we have placed even a higher priority to attend.
     When we left the Bountiful temple today and were driving down that long steep hill to get to the freeway, the inversion was so obvious we seemed to drive out of the clear blue sky right down into the muck.  It reminded me of the mist of darkness and what it does to our lives.  The word mist means a cloud cover that dims ones view, obscures, or blurs, covers with a haze ones vision.  Nephi tells us that the mist (which is the temptations of the devil)  blinds the eyes, hardens the hearts and leads us away into broad roads until we perish and are lost.   After feeling such joy in the temple I didn't want to return to the hazy world below.
     I have noticed in my life when I start feeling lost, or discontented with my lot in life it is because I am encased in the mist of darkness.
     I remember being a young mother with several children and sometimes feeling of little worth, wondering to myself, what am I doing?  I'm not contributing anything to the world, just changing diapers, feeding baby's, cleaning and cooking only to start all over the next day, and I started comparing myself to others. They seemed to have better clothes, nicer furniture and their life seemed to be going somewhere while I was only getting discouraged.  One particular time I remember vividly was when John was in the Coast Guard and stationed in California and we had two children (babies).  A friend invited me over to her home for lunch, and as I left her home that afternoon  feelings of discouragement seemd to engulf me because of all my (lack of''s).  When I got back to our small apartment I  retrieved the mail and there was the Ensign.  I decided to sit down and read a few minutes.  Back in those days I only turned to the back of the magazine and read the "Real Life Stories" that people submitted.  They were always short stories that always, without fail pulled me out of the mist of darkness and gave me hope and inspired me to carry on.  No matter what the story was about, it reminded me that I was on the right track.  I loved those 4 or 5 faith promoting true life stories, somehow those testimonies sustained me for many days.  I also found that going to church each week always lifted my spirit, and reminded me who I really was, and the value of raising a family.  I didn't know I was in a mist of darkness, that I had pulled away from the Lord and was left to the world to work things out.  When I finally learned what was happening I could catch myself as I found i was surrounded with that cloud of discouragement and immediately get the words of the Lord into my heart either from the scriptures, church magazines, or attending the temple, even singing the Primary Hymns always would take away the cloud cover, remove the haze and open my vision.  Oh, how I see the value of holding on to the rod of iron daily.  The words of the Lord does not sustain  me if I read a few faith promoting stories once a month, I have to have it daily. I need to feel His spirit and to have the direction from above to see clearly.


                                                 The most important thing
                                                             in life is not  
                                                          the triumph but           
                                                            the struggle